


A Home Filled with Love and Laughter

by DovaBunny



Series: Fenders Ficlets [14]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Anders Positive, Discussion of Abortion, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fenders, Fenris positive, Fluff, Homelessness, M/M, Minor Angst, Modern AU, Red Hawke, dad!Anders, hawke critical, little Leta is future hero of Thedas, single dad Anders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-06 09:12:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17342585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DovaBunny/pseuds/DovaBunny
Summary: Fenris had all but accepted his lot of living his life as a bachelor, alone in his little house on the outskirts of Kirkwall. That is until he did his usual run to the homeless shelter in Darktown to drop off some goods for the festive season and ran into a man he hadn't seen in three years. A man who had stolen his heart then all but disappeared.A Wintersend Exchange gift to the talented and amazing Emotionalmorphine who asked for a fenders fic with themes of homelessness, pride, and helping to get back on their feet. I hope you like it hun <3 sorry its so fucking long and took so long!





	A Home Filled with Love and Laughter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [emotionalmorphine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emotionalmorphine/gifts).



 

“Merry Christmas Anders,” Fenris says as softly as his gruff voice allows while he passes a small box wrapped in brown paper and a red ribbon. The tug at the corner of his lips pull into a full smile as he sees the mage’s face light up. 

“You got me something? Oh Fen, you shouldn’t have! Gimme!” despite the words, his expression and giddiness with which he tore into the gift told Fenris it had been the best sovereign he’d ever spent. Still, he couldn’t help the nervous crawling of his toes on the hardwood floors of the Hanged Man. At least everyone else seemed too preoccupied to care.  


The wrapping finally gone, Anders abruptly froze when his reward was revealed. His smile fell and his eyes went wide. “D-do you like it?” Fenris tentatively asked. 

“Fenris… It’s…” With slow careful hands Anders lifted the book as if it was worth his whole life’s savings. “Is this…?”

“The first edition of ‘Krampus and Ser Grumps-a-Lot’. You mentioned that it was your favourite book as a child?”

“Where did you… I haven’t seen this in years. And never outside the Anderfels. Fenris, how did you find this?”

“I pulled a few strings. Threatened to pull a few hearts too.” He gave the mage who was now positively quivering with happiness a small smile. “So you like it?”

“Like it?? Fenris - this is the most amazing gift someone has ever gotten me! I… I don’t know what to say. And here all I got you is this lousy green scarf I knitted! Oh, sorry, spoiled the surprise. There’s a green scarf in your gift.”

Fenris’ heart warmed as he opened his gift to reveal a forest green thick knit scarf, the colour matching his eyes. The thought that Anders - who was by no stretch well off - had gone through the effort to find the right colour wool and to knit it for him… it gave him hope. 

Hope he had no right to have.

Hope that he clinged to nonetheless. 

“What you got there, sugar?” Hawke purred as she smoothly slid into the booth next to Anders. And wasn’t that just the perfect way to describe Marian - ‘smooth’ - controlled, precise, seemingly perfect, slimy…

Fenris had spent enough time with Danarius and his political machinations, spent enough hours silently standing vigil to agreements and bribes and diplomatic unions that were entirely self-serving but spun in a way to appear selfless and altruistic. He knew the game, knew it better than he knew himself, which is why he had seen right through her from the start. A fact she knew and despised. 

At first she had persuade him to stand at her side by trying to convince him of how ‘good they could be together’. Fenris didn’t fall for it one bit, he knew people like Hawke; they saw friends as resources not equals. She struck alliances only when it benefited her, and the only one she ever truly cared for was herself. Even when she was still a poor scrappy mercenary - Fenris looked at her and saw a cunningness that made him uneasy. She would be a powerful ally and a devastating enemy. So when the time came to choose to name himself friend or foe, he chose friend. 

Then things changed. She started climbing the ranks, started gaining recognition and power. What others then saw as her caring heart reaching out to help those around her, Fenris saw for what it was - the establishing of a network of support and allegiance. She got pretty far until the business with the Arishok and Qunari. The Qunari care little for appearances and posturing, which is why she then needed him. Fenris was an expert diplomat, and his role in the negotiations and alliance eventually succeeded with the Qunari, effectively avoiding an all out invasion of Kirkwall, and lend him his own significance and recognition. 

Again, Hawke looked at him - and where others though she saw a man she loved - he knew she saw potential, power, and status. She turned her light flirtations into determined seduction, her goal set on making him hers.  He turned her down. When she pushed harder - possibly out of shock and rage that no one had ever dared say no to the ‘Champion’ - he turned her down again and in no uncertain terms let her know that he saw right through her. 

Since then tensions between them had been icy to say the least. No one quite knew what changed between Hawke and her favourite diplomat and advisor. She was bitter but wouldn’t let her own wounded pride harm her appearance, couldn’t possibly let people know of her failure to capture the elf for herself. 

What she didn’t know was that part of his turning her down - besides that he had no intention on becoming another power hungry sociopath’s puppet - was sitting across from him now, a faint blush on his freckled cheeks as Hawke threw her arm around his shoulder and winked at him. 

The two started out as bitter rivals, holding strong opposing stances on almost every matter. However, when Anders struck a wall in trying to secure the rights to open the free clinic he had spent his entire life’s savings to purchase, Hawke didn’t see it as something worth her time and effort. In the end it was Fenris, who defied Hawke’s explicit demand not to get involved, who challenged the deputy-Mayor, Meredith, on her grounds for denying the clinic’s legitimization. Meredith was a powerful figure in Kirkwall, one who profited from the various private clinics around the city, which was why Hawke was adamant not to make an enemy of her. Fenris had no such concerns, and ended up pushing Anders’ case to a High Court petition - which Anders won. 

Hawke had since labeled Fenris as an enemy and a threat. 

“Say handsome,” she purred at Anders, her icy blue eyes, partly shaded behind her short pitch black hair darting to Fenris’ across the table with a slimy smirk. “Rumour is your clinic is doing quite well, despite its bumpy start. I know you understand my reasons for not being able to help then - you know how sorely I wanted to. But let me make it up to you? What say you come over to my place for a night cap and we discuss a fundraiser for the clinic, hmm?” 

Fenris was no fool. Hawke had been losing the support of the lower classes - a major threat to her no-doubt future run to become mayor - and now plans to advertise this ‘fundraiser’ as her selfless heart still caring about the ‘poor and needy’. She had enough money, more than enough, if she wanted to support Anders she could’ve done so without the journalists and spotlights.

“Really?” Anders’ eyes lit up. “The clinic could always use the money, since Meredith raised the tax on medical supplies outside Chantry-sanctioned medical care facilities we’ve been unable to afford even the most basic supplies.”

“Of course, anything for my favourite healer,” she smiled and winked at his hopeful face. 

The difficult thing about having the choice to say no - is that not everyone can afford it. 

Anders, more than anyone, couldn’t afford to turn down help. And Hawke knew it. 

“That...would be amazing, Marian. I- I don’t know what to say.”

“Say ‘Merry Christmas to you too’,” she grinned. “Now, let’s get out of here.”

Anders threw one last look at Fenris - a look that was hopeful and remorseful - but when Fenris just turned to look away, he could’ve sworn he heard Anders sigh sadly before getting up to follow Hawke out. 

The difficult thing about having the choice to say no - is that very often you one realise it when it's too late. Fenris could think back upon this moment for years to come, seeing it as the chance he let slip between his fingers

 

_______________

 

_ Three Years Later _

 

 

“Mister Fenris, we can’t thank you enough - truly. You and your kind, generous heart are Maker sent. Especially this time of year.”

“Oh hush, Karl. It’s the least I could do,” Fenris didn’t let the older mage see the slight flush on his cheeks as he turned to look across the busy dining hall. The Darktown Shelter was busier than ever since Meredith raised the taxes in Lowtown, causing many to lose their jobs and having to move to Darktown. All around Fenris saw faces that spoke of helplessness, grief, and hopelessness. “If there’s anything more I can do, you know to ask.” 

Karl passed the boxes of canned goods and books on to his assistants, then turned to Fenris, a curious tilt to his head. “And yourself, Fenris? Any plans for Christmas?”

Fenris sighed. He hated this question, even as he’d come to expect it. “Sadly, no. I’m afraid I have no family of which to speak.” He shook his head as if trying to rid it of its morbid thoughts. “And yourself?”

“I guess you could say so,” Karl smiled and gestured for Fenris to follow. “We've had some children here at the shelter make Christmas decorations out of recycled materials, and they’re putting on a play with the help of some of the adults and volunteers.” They came to a halt in the common room that connected the bustling dining hall and the over-crowded shared living quarters. 

Karl beamed like a proud parent as he pointed out the festive-themed changes to the large room, the green and red tinsel made of cut up plastic bottles, the snowflakes made of patterns in old newspapers, and the old plastic Christmas tree in the centre where kids were gathering to hang various self made ornaments.

Fenris nodded along approvingly to Karl’s excited chatter when a movement caught his eye - at the tree a child was lifted up to place a cardboard and glitter star at the top of the tree - a child with pitch black hair and too familiar honey brown eyes, and a laugh that rang with glee. 

A child lifted by a too familiar tall human man with honey brown eyes that looked up from under a heavy cloak, with a sad but hopeful smile that still made Fenris’ heart flutter. 

“Anders…”

Anders. The man he hasn’t in years, not since the fundraiser where Hawke pulled the handsome healer into a deep kiss in front of flashing photographers and cooing crowds. Not since Fenris left the venue with burning eyes and a breaking heart. It was common knowledge that soon after the fundraiser the power couple had split, the clinic closed without warning, and the mage hasn’t been seen since - whispers saying he took the money and ran. Whispers Fenris didn’t believe for a second. 

At the sound of his name through the babbling children, the healer turned and their eyes locked. 

“Fenris…”

A moment’s expression of joy and shock was soon overshadowed by one of shame and fear, pulling the hood deeper over his head. Sharp elf ears picked up as Anders softly said “come love, we need to go.”

“Daddy, why?” black eyebrows furrowed fiercely over soft brown eyes as the little girl looked at Anders. One chubby hand pointed back at the three. “We not done!”

Fenris took a step towards them, one hand reached out, still not believing his eyes. Anders seemed to panic and wrapped the girl in his arms before swiftly making his way towards the exist. Fenris ignored the questioning comments from Karl as he set out after the mage, determined not to lose him again after all this time. 

He followed the confused babble and hushed whispers, the quick patter of feet on dirt streets, and the swish of a cloak till they ran into a dead end street. Anders panted as he clutched the little girl protectively to his chest, then whirled around to glare at the elf. “What do you want?”

“Anders, I…” Fenris gently said, catching his own breath as he slowly approached with palms raised, much like one would approach a cornered animal. “Why did you run from me?”

“Why did you chase me?”

“How could I not? Anders… no one has seen you in years.”

The mage stayed silent, but the little girl squirmed in Anders’ arms till she could turn her head to look at Fenris. The moment their eyes locked Fenris felt a strange flutter in his chest at those beautiful familiar eyes, so full of life and curiosity. 

“Is that… Is this-?” he asked, the question in his eyes.

Anders bit his lip and looked away. “What do you want, Fenris?”

Well. That reaction was confirmation enough. This was Hawke’s child. The knowledge shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did. 

“I wanted to talk to you. I- we’ve missed you.” at that Anders perked up and looked at him. “Have you been in Darktown all this time?” At Anders’ sad look at his daughter, then silent nod, Fenris added the one thing that baffled him most of all: “Why?”

“Because I had no other choice.”

The two men silently regarded one another, so much unsaid between them. The little girl decided then that she was over this silence and giggled, pointing at Fenris as she loudly whispered to her dad, “pretty elf!”

Both men chuckled at that, Anders smiling as he replied, “yes he is.”

Fenris took it as a good sign, and slowly approached them till he was close enough for those chubby hands to reach out and touch his hair - which he let her. 

“I am Fenris. You are very pretty too, young lady. What is your name?”

Curious but surprisingly gentle little hands patted his hair and felt along the slope of his nose. “Leta,” she answered. His stomach flipped for a moment - could it be? No, surely not, that his real name and hers were similar was just coincidence. Leta, meanwhile, seemed more interested in familiarizing herself with him than his questions, interest that ten-folded when her hands reached over the tattoos on his chin to the chunky knitted green scarf poking out from under his coat.

Fenris saw Anders’ eyes widen in recognition. He smiled as he slipped the scarf off and wrapped it snugly around Leta, who squealed in delight.

“You kept it?”

“Of course,” Fenris looked on at the adoration in Anders’ eyes as he watched his daughter grab and paw at the chunky scarf around her. A thought struck him, one he had never been more sure of - “come home with me?”

Anders’ head whipped up in surprise, eyes hopeful before it dimmed in uncertainty. “Fenris, I appreciate the offer, but I-”

“Please? There’s more than enough room for you and Leta, it would be nice not to have the house empty. Especially on Christmas.”

Anders seemed to be thinking it over, looking down at his daughter again who was shoving her head into the thick scarf, clearly entertaining herself. 

“It’s not that simple.”

“Yes, it is,” Fenris retorted, reaching a hand to touch Anders’ cheek, but thinking better of it and letting it drop. Fenris understood that this can’t be easy - although the mage had let go of his vain years before they even met, the man still had his pride, and the girl complicated matters further. “Please, Anders. It’s been years. We have much to catch up on, but I am still your friend. Please, come home with me.”

“It should be so easy to say no, I don’t want to be anyone’s charity case,” Anders chuckled bitterly as he kept his head down, a sniff escaping him as he whispered, “but she deserves to much more than I can give. She deserves a home, a real Christmas tree with presents, a warm bed...” He looked up, his gaze serious yet hurt, “I can’t dangle that in front of her only to take it away.”

Fenris met his gaze with an equally serious one, “then don’t. Mage, I know you may not see much reason right now to trust me - but know that I will not abandon you.” Not again. “And not Leta either. My home is open to you, it would be an honour and delight to have you stay with me for as long as you need, and I will help in anyway I can. I promise.”

Anders looked deep into Fenris’ eyes as if searching for a deeper truth there. Whatever it was, he seemed to find it as he gave a thoughtful nod. “Ok. But just until we get back on our feet.” 

Fenris sighed in relief and gave the first genuine smile he's felt in three years.   


 

_______________

 

Anders couldn’t remember the last time he felt this happy. His little girl squealed and giggled as Fenris kept putting her down to grab more Christmas decoration, then picking her up to hang it on the tree. She had always been a happy child, the one shining light in his life, but he had never seen her as full of joy and laughter as in this moment. 

His eyes traveled to Fenris. His feelings for the elf was still so confusing. It was on Christmas eve three years ago where Anders had mustered up the courage to finally tell the elf how he felt, an attraction he had been sure was mutual, until Hawke came and made an offer he couldn’t afford to refuse. He had looked at Fenris then, but saw nothing but disinterest and even mild irritation. It was with a heavy heart, certain that he had been mistaken and the elf didn’t feel the same, that he had followed Hawke and allowed himself to be pulled into her web of lies and pretensions. 

He had lived the past three years in near silence and isolation, chained by the contract Hawke made him sign - she would not abort the baby, and would allow Anders to take it, if Anders vowed never to tell a soul who the baby’s mother was, and to cut all ties from their friends and leave town. Her rise to power would not be tarnished by a low-class mundane mage and their illegitimate child. Especially now that she was wed to the Prince of Starkhaven and was expecting their first - the photos of the excited and proud parents-to-be on the cover of every newspaper and gossip magazine. 

If only it had been that simple. To ensure he leave town, Hawke had let Meredith tax Lowtown and his clinic until they had to close, leaving Anders with not a cent to his name and every cent he ever saved and made locked in a property he was now unable to sell since he was technically no longer a citizen of Kirkwall. 

But Anders was still only a man - lonely, isolated, helpless, and hurt - so when he watched Fenris, the man he still secretly held a candle for, lovingly tuck little Leta into her makeshift bed on the couch, snuggled in her new fluffy dragon pajamas, clutching a mabari stuffed toy, and kiss her on the forehead - that man reached his breaking point. 

He had let Fenris hold him as he broke down, spilling everything he had been sworn to keep to himself, crying about the injustice of the clinic, the injustice to the poor and needy who can’t afford private health care, the injustice of having been cut off from everyone and everything he held dear, and the injustice of having to have traded his life for his daughter’s as he couldn’t help but beg Hawke not to abort their ‘mistake’. He had nothing against abortions, he had performed them before on helpless women who felt it was their only option, but Hawke had an option - Anders had dreamed of being a dad like most girls dreamed of becoming a princess, the child was not only hers, but his too. When she had denied him still, citing how it would tarnish her reputation she worked so hard on, he threatened to see how her reputation would then fare if he went to the press with some of her dealings with the Carta, smugglers, and the bribes she took from Meredith. Hawke had her lawyers set up the contract the next day. She didn’t even want to meet Leta, insisting on a c-section and that they be gone by the time she woke up. 

Fenris had held him and listened. He didn’t judge, didn’t tell Anders to stop crying, and didn’t interrupt as the flood gates opened and Anders purged himself of the poison that had been drowning him for three years. 

Watching Fenris with his daughter now, Anders still felt raw, but he felt whole. The two had got on like a house on fire, and Leta quickly declared Fenris her best friend. The timer went off and Anders turned to take the cookies out of the oven. He snickered to himself at the gingerbread monstrosities, but also beamed with pride - the three of them had made and iced them together. 

Like a family. 

“Cookies!” Leta cheered and scrambled into the kitchen. Fenris’ house wasn’t big, he didn’t see need for unnecessary space and luxuries the way his former master did, but it was cozy and welcoming with a crackling fire, an inviting little living room that turned into a kitchen with a reading nook on the other end. A short hallway in the middle split into two bedrooms and a bathroom. Leta climbed onto the stool at the table, her eyes sparkling in excitement as Anders put three glasses of milk and a plate of cookies on the table. 

To Anders’ delight, Fenris seemed as excited about it all as Leta. “I’m surprised, Fen. You’re not the Grinch I suspected you’d be,” he smiled.

Fenris flushed and cleared his throat. “I apologize if I get a little over excited. I have no recollection of festive times as a child, and I admit it has been a joy sharing it. Baking cookies, watching movies together, decorating the tree… It seems bittersweet, the knowledge of the joys I missed, or forgot, and the joys of having it now. ” He smiled up at Anders. “I wouldn’t want to share if with anyone else.”

“So, I guess you and Leta are both having your first real Christmas then,” he chuckled as his little munchkin licked the icing off her cookie. Sure that she was sufficiently distracted he added softly, “she was too young before to realise it was Christmas, so I kept her away from it all, not wanting her to be aware of the fact that we had nothing when others had so much.”

Fenris regarded Anders for a long moment. “You’re a good father, Anders. And a good man. She’s lucky to have you.”

“I don’t know. I feel like such a failure,” Anders hung his head.

A hand, sure and warm, covered his and he looked up into those beautiful, deep green eyes that held such intelligence, strength, and kindness. “I know no man stronger than you, Anders. I promise you this. I… hope you don’t mind. I invited some friends over for dinner tomorrow.”

Anders’ eyes grew wide, “Fen, the contract-”

“-Said nothing about me having run into you and inviting you over for dinner along with some friends who coincidentally will also be there. You didn’t ask me to, nor did I ask your permission. It’s all just wonderful coincidence, is it not? None of them know you’re here, they’re just stunned I reached out to them and told them where I live. Isabela and Varric have speculated I live in the haunted mansion in Hightown, while Merrill thought I joined the Dalish. I’m pretty sure Aveline and Donnic knew, they just kept it to themselves.” Fenris fiddled with his cookie, “I figured it's the closest to a family Christmas dinner we could get, even if it is still more than a week to Christmas eve. 

Anders’ heart fluttered at the implication that they were a family. “Fen… I don’t know what to say?”

Fenris opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, a little head of shaggy black hair leaned up and waved a cookie over their heads - one decorated in green leaves and red berries. “Mist-tel-toe!” she cheerfully declared.  

The two men groaned but laughed. “I knew letting you explaining to her what a mistletoe was was a mistake.,” Fenris grumbled. 

“Hey, you two picked the movie!” Anders said in mock offense.

“Fenris! Da! Mist-tel-toe!” Leta said again more firmly, a pointed look. 

“Well, mage? Are you going to make yourself out to be a liar or are you going to kiss me?” Fenris said with a challenging smirk, but Anders was sure he spotted a nervous twitch in the elf’s ears. 

Anders rolled his eyes to distract from his racing heart, then leaned over the table to softly press his lips against Fenris’. 

The moment Fenris’ lips tentatively pressed back, Anders’ eyes slipped closed and he felt the world melt and his heart stop, only to be startled back by Leta’s delightful cheer.

He smiled sheepishly at Fenris, who seemed stunned and dazed for a moment, before responding to Leta’s demands Fenris come colour with her. 

Anders’ heart did not stop racing. It’s going to be very hard to walk away. He had barely been able to do it last time, he didn’t know if he was strong enough to do it again.

 

_______________

 

Fenris was pacing, torn between frustration, thankfulness, and despair.

The clinic was finally sold. 

There was no reason for Anders and Leta to stay anymore. 

As suspected, the gang had been stunned but overjoyed to see Anders, and even though no one outright said anything about her parentage (per Fenris’ instructions in the invite), they all adored Leta. It was like all times, minus Hawke’s toxic presence that enjoyed pitting them against one another and drawing the attention to herself alone. 

Varric, Fenris, and Aveline talked politics, while Donnic, Anders, and Merrill chatted over cooking. Upon meeting Isabela, Leta’s eyes went wide as she whispered ‘she looks a like a pirate’ - a comment Isabela absolutely delighted in. She went on to introduce herself as Captain Isabela, and declared Leta her first mate. The two of them were on the living room carpet - Leta playing with Isabela’s hair (courtesy of butterfly hair clips Merrill had in her handbag) and Isabela painting Leta’s toenails (courtesy of the blood red nail polish Isabela had in her handbag). 

Fenris’ chest had swelled as he looked around the room and felt… at home. Amongst family. Loved. 

As suspected Varric was outraged at Anders’ situation with the clinic’s sale being frozen. The dwarf took a smoke break and Fenris could see him making a few calls. 

That was a week ago. Earlier today the gang all got together again at Fenris’ for Christmas dinner. The girls had gifts for Leta - a pirate’s hat and a scarf that matched her own from Isabela, and from Merrill a storybook of Ghilan'nain (the mother of Halla) and her first Halla, along with some Dalish hairclips. Donnic and Aveline gifted her with a backpack that looked like a warrior's shield, and from Varric a lovely new colouring and activity book based on pirates and mermaids with colouring pens. Needless to say, Leta was in heaven. 

Varric, however, also came with good news. Not only was he able to petition for the rights of the abandoned clinic’s building by calling in some favours (and everyone owed Varric a favour), he also had a buyer. Tears of joy were shed, expensive wine was shared, and Anders was left stunned speechless.

But now with everyone gone, the kitchen clean, and Leta tucked in, Fenris could no longer hide from his fears, fears he had been able to suppress the past week as his every day had been filled with life, light, and the unconditional love only a child can give. 

“What did the carpet do to you?” Fenris looked up from his pacing around his bedroom at Anders who stood with a cocked hip and a smirk. “Must’ve been something truly atrocious for you to glare and stomp on it so.”

Fenris stopped and sighed. “Apologies, mage. I just have a lot on my mind. Did I wake you?”

“No, I haven't gone to bed yet.” Anders looked down and fiddled with his hem of his sleep shirt. “You know, none of this would’ve been possible without you. I owe you more than I can repay, Fenris.”

_ Then stay! _

“There’s no thanks necessary. I understand now why it was so difficult for you to reach out, or to even accept my offer when I saw you at the shelter. You’re the one who deserves praise here, Anders. For your strength and bravery. If am able to help in even the smallest of ways, I am glad.”

Anders’ eyes were wide and watery before the mage sniffed and looked away to wipe at his eyes. “Flatterer.” Even so he stepped closer into Fenris’ bedroom. “But I do mean it, with every fibre of my being, thank you Fenris. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

Fenris’ breath hitched as he realised that that they hadn’t been alone in his room before. “W-what will you do? Now that the clinic is finally being sold.” Even as he wanted to back away, he swallowed his cowardice and stood his ground till Anders came to stop before him. How was it that the mage managed to look handsome even in chunky sleeping clothes, loose messy hair, at dim lamp lighting?  


“I don’t know, to be honest. I guess I’ve never allowed myself to dream that far. Redcliffe is a good option. They’re a lot more accepting of lower classes, and their health care is state owned instead of chantry owned. A former classmate of mine is married to nobility there. Good schools too.”

“Oh,” was all Fenris could say. He could see it. Anders the successful healer surrounded by people who appreciate and support him, Leta in a good school surrounded by friends… maybe even a new mother and wife to Anders. “You deserve to be happy Anders. Both of you.”

If Fenris didn’t know better, he could’ve sworn Anders looked...disappointed? But why would he? This was what he wanted - this is the life he had been dreaming to give to his little girl, and now finally they had that chance. They would go on to be happy and live their lives in the light, love, and laughter that followed Leta where she went. And Fenris would remain here, his house once again cold and empty. 

“You know, she’ll miss you. She loves you to bits, you must know that right?” Anders said softly with a hopeful tone to his voice. 

“As I will miss her,” he chuckled. "She has... crawled into my heart faster than I thought possible." 

“Does it bother you, to see so much of Marian in her?”

“I thought it would.” It had hurt like a punch to the heart at first. “But even though she might carry her mother’s fire, she has your heart and soul. She’s a beautiful and kind girl, inside and out. You were born to be a father, mage,” he smiled warmly up at Anders. 

Anders blushed but held his eyes. “It suits you too, Fen.”

The air around them was heavy once more with unsaid words, but also with unspoken feelings they both knew were there but were too afraid to touch. Anders had his girl, and their future ahead away from Kirkwall. Fenris had his life here, his freelance work with as a political analyst and diplomatic advisor. 

His life was empty, and theirs was full. He couldn’t ask them to stay, and asking to follow would only burden their already fragile life out of poverty. 

Still, his eyes studied deep pools of honey-brown speckled with gold and green, then slipped down to soft lips. 

“You know…” he whispered softly, scared to break whatever held this moment. “We did stand under the porch light together when we waved everyone goodbye.”

“The light where Isabela hung the mistletoe?” Anders answered just as softly, even as Fenris could hear the mischief in his voice. “Well now, can’t have you making a liar out of me to my daughter now can we?”

Fenris gave a breathy chuckle as he leaned in, “no, we can’t.”

In the end it was not clear who had moved first, it didn’t matter, not when Fenris finally claimed the man’s lips he had ached for for so long, a man he had thought was lost to him, only to return and fill Fenris’ home with so much life and love. They may not have much time left, but maker damn him if he was going to let a single moment go to waste.

His hands reached up and wrapped around the mage’s neck to pull him down, their kiss deepening beyond the sweet platonic mistletoe kiss. His kiss was met with equal amounts of desperation and longing as hands touched and held, arms drew close and clung, and the two men moved together

They let the world melt away, letting their bodies and lips say all the things they weren’t able to - a language their hearts understood and shared but was foreign to their minds and fears. 

As deep kisses filled with longing turned to hot kisses filled with passion, hands slowly reached to remove their clothes, unwrapping one another. 

Fenris had never gotten, or given, a better Christmas present. 

In the aftermath of their loving making - because that is what it was; they didn’t fuck, they didn’t just have sex, they made slow, deep, passionate love - they laid curled up together, clinging to one another. Both knew for certain in that moment that they loved one another, but both knew that this was all about to end. 

If Anders felt a few tears drop on his shoulder where Fenris’ head was tucked against his chest, the mage didn’t say anything. Just as Fenris didn’t say anything to the tears he felt against his neck. 

_______________

 

Anders should’ve known better, should’ve never left Leta alone in their motel room.

She had cried when they told her they would be leaving, throwing the first tantrum Anders had ever seen her throw. Since crying into Fenris’ shoulder at the bus stop, she hasn’t looked at or talked to Anders. 

He understood why she was hurt, and she had every right to be - Fenris had truly created a home for them, a healing sanctum, but the clinic was sold and the contract was looming - their time was up. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. 

They had spent their last two weeks making the most of every moment. In the days when Fenris had to work, Leta would quietly sit and colour on the floor in his study corner of the living room while Anders sat by the computer contacting potential employers and looking at apartment listings. They couldn’t afford to be seen around town, so they watched movies, played board games, cooked and baked together, or even just have Fenris read Leta a bedtime story, the girl curled up against his chest, till they both fell asleep and Anders felt like his heart was going to burst. 

Fenris and Anders had spent every night in each other’s arms, silently saying everything they wished they could, making up for lost time and making memories for the times to come. Leta's wasn’t the only heart that broke when they stepped onto the bus that left Kirkwall for Redcliffe. 

He had hoped she would get over it in time. They had arrived at their motel next to the bus stop in Redcliffe, and tomorrow they would meet with a potential employer. He had just stepped out of the room for a moment to get a takeout menu from reception when he returned to the room and found the door open and Leta gone. 

Anders hasn’t had a panic attack in years, but now one was looming, threatening to drown him. So he did the only thing he could think of.

 

“Fenris?” the panic and fear in the man’s voice was enough to have Fenris bolting up from where he had been curled up on the couch, wallowing in his lonesome misery. 

“Anders? What’s wrong?”

“I- It’s Leta. She’s gone.”

For a moment Fenris didn’t hear anything as his blood ran cold. He could faintly hear Anders’ tearful and anguished rambling of stepping outside for a moment to go to the motel reception, only for Leta to be gone when he returned. 

Leta. The beautiful little girl whose very existence once pained him deeply, a reminder of his failure and cowardice, but who he now thought of as the most beautiful and special girl in the world. 

No. No, he won’t allow anything to happen to her. Nothing could be worse than the thought of a world without her laughter and fire. Nothing could be worse than the thought of Anders’ heart breaking for losing the one thing he loved above all. Over his dead body. 

“A-Anders- , you’re rambling, what else is missing? Does anything else look out of place? Any sign of forced entry?”

He could hear the mage’s rambling die down to a mumbling as he moved around the room and inspected it. “Her backpack. That’s all. Nothing else seems touched. Fenris, I- I don’t know what to do! I can’t- I can’t lose her…”

“Hush mage, it will be alright. I promise.” A promise he made equally to himself in a vow than to Anders. “I...I think I know where she might be. Call the local police and ask their officers on patrol to look out for her - be sure to describe her well. Calle Aveline and do the same. Meanwhile - I need you to stay there in case she returns.”

 

A quick online check, multiple red lights ran and 12 minutes later Fenris pulled into the bus station just in time for the bus from Redcliffe to arrive. As suspected, a little girl with wild black hair and eyes like whisky in firelight stepped off first, her hands clutched fiercely to her shield backpack.

Fenris felt the iron grip on his heart yield, an intense drowning sensation he didn’t even realise was there until it lifted off him like a heavy curtain. 

Leta was okay. 

“Leta!”

Her bright eyes went wide when she saw him, paling for a moment exactly like a kid caught doing something naughty. The look quickly passed, however, replaced with one of determination as she stomped over like she was marching into battle as the Hero of Ferelden. 

“Fennis! I am mad at you!”

Fenris’ eyes went wide in turn for a moment as he took in the picture before him. This was not exactly what he expected. 

“You’re mad at me? Why? And why did you leave without your dad? He’s worried sick!”

“He’ll be okay. Da worries a lot,” she sighed with a maturity years beyond her age. “I’m mad at you for leaving us! Or… for letting us leave…. Yes! For letting us leave!”

Fenris’ shoulders sagged. He and Anders had suspected Leta might not take the separation well, but seeing the righteous fury and hurt in her small face broke his heart. He kneeled before her so he could look her in the eye. 

“Leta, you know why this is the way things has to be. Your dad and you have to go Redcliffe where you get to settle down. Your dad will be able to work, and you can go to a school and make friends. You can’t do that here.”

“But- but…” her iron facade started to crumble as he watched her bottom lip pout and quiver. “Y-you…” Tears started to fill her big, curious eyes and Fenris felt his heart crack. When her voice came again, it was quiet and uncertain. “Don’t you like us?”

“I do! Of course, mi nata, I adore you both.” he reached out and pulled her to his chest. She tucked her head under his chin and clung to his shirt as the tears finally came unhindered. “How could you think that? Your dad and I both love you.”

_ Love. _ He swore he wouldn’t let the word escape his lips, no matter how strongly he felt it. But there it was. And it couldn’t be more right and true. 

“Bu-but y-you love dad too!” she sobbed into his chest. “And he lo-loves you! I don’t wa-want Da crying anymo- more!”

“Anders was crying?” Fenris gently pulled her back until he could look at her. “Leta, how do you know this?”

“Da used to cr-cry softly when he tho-thought I was asleep at the shel-shelter,” she rubbed her eyes with her sleeves and took a deep breath. “But he stopped when you brought us ho-ome. He was so happy. I’ve never seen Da look so happy and smile so much. But then we left, and on the bus, he was crying a-again when he thought I was sleeping.”

Fenris’ heart skipped a beat and clenched painfully. He felt torn between elation of knowing Anders also carried their separation with heartbreak, but also sadness of hearing the distress in his daughter’s voice at seeing her father’s pain, even though he tried so hard to hide it. 

“Leta…” 

“No! Don’t tell me it will be okay! It is not okay but we can make it good!” that fire he loved was coming back, burning through fierce furrowed brows and tear-streaked cheeks. “You and Da are both sad but you don’t need to be. It’s stupid. You’re being stupid!”

Fenris’ felt a small smile tug at the corners of his mouth as he looked at the fierce little girl who somehow towered over him. He chuckled softly, “I suspect you might be right about that.”

“Good,” she huffed with finality as she angrily wiped her eyes again and adjusted her backpack. “Now come with me. We need to go talk to Da.” She held out her hand for his expectedly.

Fenris felt his chest swell as he looked at her - here little Leta was, offering him everything he had ever wanted, ever needed, and she didn’t even know it. “You are a very brave and wise little girl, do you know that?” he smiled even though his voice croaked as he stood and took her hand. 

“I know!” She beamed a smile up at him. “Da is going to be really mad, but he won’t yell at me if he sees I brought you home.” 

_ Home. _

 

_______________

  _~ One Year Later ~_

 

“Leta! Uncle Varric is here with Captain Bela and Aunt Merrill!”

“I’m coming!”

Leta finished the bow on her last present before dashing downstairs. On her way she stopped by the living room to pop it into a Christmas stocking above the fireplace. Three socks hung there - Da, Leta, Pappa. Above it on the wall was a framed photo of the three of them on the beach, and one with them three with Varric, Isabela, Aveline, Donnic, and Merrill at a restaurant in town on her birthday. 

Proudly displayed next to it was a picture she drew at school. Drawn in coloured pencil was a little girl with brown eyes and black hair between a tall man with long blond hair and brown eyes, and a tall elf with white hair and green eyes - the words ‘My Family’ written above them. 

  
  



End file.
